If you’re a black woman, chances are you have a tribe of amazing girlfriends who keep you sane in all situations. The customary group of sisterhood usually comes with acquaintances that come and go, along with the mother of the group, the one who is always level-headed in frantic situations and of course there is always the friend who comes to your rescue when things get too stressful. You know that without a doubt as soon as you say, “Girl,I need a drink”, she will get dressed, scoop you up and blast Beyonce “Formation” on the way to the city’s hottest spots.
This is what we call the “turn up” friend ! She always has plans (and back up plans), she will force you to take the shot of Patron that you adamantly protest, she has the hottest playlist and keeps current on all the latest music; let’s not forget that she will hold your hair when the aforementioned shot of patron comes back to haunt you.
I. AM. THAT. FRIEND.
I am here to confess to you everything that your turn-up friend gets annoyed with in the midst of keeping her cool and trying not to ruin vibe of the entire night. We are all about positive until these things on the list below arise.
- If you don’t want to come…STAY YO ASS AT HOME. There’s always a Debbie Downer who talks about all the things they would rather be doing, how they’ve outgrown the “whole scene”, crowning herself Queen of the fun snatchers. NOBODY has time for that. Your negative energy brings down the entire “turn up” operation, and it would be best for you to stay snuggled up at home watching all the fun via Snapchat in your bonnet and moo moo.
2. Stop Placing The Night’s Entire Fate On Our Shoulders. So the venue isn’t as fun as expected, don’t sit around and sulk waiting for us to make the next move. Even though we are the Director of the Turn Up Ministry, it doesn’t mean we have all the answers. It’s OK to make suggestions and be vocal about moving on the next event without being a brat about it.
3. Stop Being CHEAP! If you’re Frugal Franchesca, See #1. Ain’t nobody got time to be hurriedly contouring and stepping out with semi-dry eyelash glue because you’re trying to make the free before 9. Everyone notices that you’re the only person doesn’t offer to pay for a round of drinks, and trust and believe the friend that has an Olympic Gold Medal in Throwing Shade is going to come for you at the end of the night.
4. Know Your Limit This should go without saying once you’re over 25, but every now and again someone slips up and has to be babysat the entire night. Nope. Nope. Nope. The objective of the night is to turn up not to throw up. Get you a little buzz and stop there.
5. Get Off The Phone! This is for the friend who has to talk to bae the entire way to the event, (which interferes with the bomb ass playlist that we put together), then they text/snapchat/tweet him while they’re at the venue, and finally they cake the entire way home. Girl listen, see #1. If you have to talk to him THAT much, then just stay home and replace “Netflix & chill” with “Hulu & commitment”.
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